No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
