that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
