she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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