Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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