There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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