I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize