Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
