i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
its liver damage thursday
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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