Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
