This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
