It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
