if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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