Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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