Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
