I'm so fucking centered right now
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
