I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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