I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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