He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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