we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
