You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
