I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
