i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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