It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Drunk is not a location!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
