just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
