As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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