Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
