So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
