C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize