My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
