She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
