Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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