booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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