So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
