with your own penis?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
