if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
