i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
