i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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