I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
