I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
vagina is talking i cant
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
