Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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