I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
