you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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