Do vagina's smell?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
