I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think my fart just growled at me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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