Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
