Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
