Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
