You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize