I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
