Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize