Yo dont text me then not text me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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