My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
