Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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