The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
