He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
