Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
