I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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