Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
nutella sex= disaster
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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