I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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