I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
