I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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