you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize