Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
