I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize