You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
