He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
