I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
