Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sarcasm needs its own font
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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